From: Lanie <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: August 8, 2015 9:18P.M.
To: Dakota <dakotanotthestate @4natr.net>
Subject: back home
Lindsey and I came home and went straight to the kitchen to grab some grub.
“Lindsey, can’t you eat anything healthier?”
“I’ve been eating healthy with you for a whole week! It’s time to stop dieting and eat real food!”
We had just gotten settled when Alison burst in with Kit right behind her.
“YOU!!”She cried, pointing right at Lindsey.
“What’d I do?” Lindsey asked, all innocent.
“You know what you did! You stole my water raft!”
“Aw, Alison, you know I would have asked, but if I would have asked, you would have said no, so I thought if I didn’t ask then I didn’t really know that you would say no and then I wouldn’t be lying and stealing at the same time.”
“Lindsey, that is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard in my life. You didn’t actually use it did you?” Alison looked to me.
I squirmed, “We actually did use it, and Lindsey took some really great pics. I would never have done it if it weren’t for the photo contest. But both of us really want to win…”
“So you’d go to any lengths, including committing murder and suicide if one of you would’ve gotten wet and died for a stupid contest! I can’t believe it! Lanie, I thought at least you had more sense!”
“Okay, Alison, enough with the reprimanding,” Kit spoke up, “I’m sure they’re all very sorry (we nodded profusely) so now lets get to why we came here in the first place: Lindsey and Lanie, welcome home! We have some new family members who are dying to meet you. Come out Katelynne!
More family members, I was thinking, How many are there now?
In stepped a girl who made Lindsey gasp.
“Oh my gosh! You have short hair!” Lindsey crowed, “It’s as short as mine! We are going to be best friends. We are going to start a club of Do Not Make Us Boys in Your Skits! We can start protests! We can hold signs! This is going to be great!”
Katelynne looked pretty stunned, “Um, it’s nice to meet you too, Lindsey, and it’s fine if you just call me Kate.”
“Don’t mind her,” I said, “She’s just all excited about you. I’m sure you really will be great friends. Have a seat and Lindsey will translate her speech to you.”
We conversed some more and then Kit decided to bring out the second guest she had mentioned before:
“Behold, our very one and only… Jakob!”
If Katelynne caused Lindsey to become a chatterbox, Jakob did the opposite.
Lindsey cried, “Your a real boy!” And then just stared.
“Well, yeah, I’m not Pinocchio,” Jakob replied.
Lindsey burst into tears.
Poor Katelynne looked really stressed out about her new friend.
“It’s okay,” I said, “I think she’s just deliriously happy, I mean, she’s been having to pretend to play a boy in all of our skits for years and years. I don’t think she can handle this.”
We all thought Lindsey was crying happy tears, but after 10 minutes her tears didn’t stop.
“Lindsey, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?”
“No. All these years I’ve played a boy in every skit we’ve ever done and I never told you this, and I never wanted to tell you this, but…. I actually kind of enjoyed being a boy, and –”
“You what!!” Cried almost the entire room.
“Wait, do you mean that I begged Lanie to take you with her on her trip so you would be Stirling in my skit for nothing!?? I don’t believe it!”
“I said those things because I was worried I might actually become a boy; that Heather might decide to customize me into one, and I would hate it forever!”
“Heather would never do such a thing!” I cried, shocked that she would even think that, “Didn’t I tell you, if you got damaged in any way she’d send you to the hospital for a new wig so your hair would be as long as it was originally?”
“Listen, honey,” Katelynne leaned over to her, “I’m a customized doll, and I promise you, that dolls don’t get customized unless they want to and they agree with whatever the human wants. If they don’t, they will be sure to try and look as ugly as possible until the human gives up. Trust me, I know.”
“Well, thanks, and I did get a lot of nice things being bribed to be a boy,” Lindsey smiled and then whined, “but now that there’s a real boy, that’ll never happen again!”
“Well, I think you’re right about the bribing part,” Alison said from atop the stove, “but I wouldn’t say you’d never play a boy again. Don’t Molly and Kirsten have two brothers? I think you’d make a great Lars and Ricky!”
So ends our trip and the drama at the doll place!